Fat and Frustration

First I really want to let it be well known that my profile picture is not what I look like right now - it is my goal.  I think it was taken 4 or so years ago.  Also,  I know that I am not fat;  I'm just not where I want to be (see photo).  So, having said that.  I am this close to completely giving up.  It's ridiculous! I have been working and starving and trying and striving and can't get or keep these pounds off.  Dammit.  So I am going to try this blogging/diary/journal thing.  I'm going to honestly track my food, poundage, water, feelings and just what is going on. I sincerely doubt that it will be remotely interesting but I don't care.  It will be honest and hopefully keep me on track.  It would be a LOT easier if the stupid space button on my computer would SPACE.  Just another aggravation.

I'm hoping that I can edit this post a few times a day to update the calorie count and anything else that comes to mind.

So food today:
1/2 ham sammich 160 - can you believe that many calories for 1/2 a sammich?
1 1/2 cups mango chunks 180 - I haven't actually eaten all of this yet but I measured it out to eat throughout the day
Slim Fast - Chocolate Royal 200
A chocolate cookie - okay yes I know but when your sweet 9 year old gives you a cookie that she made with her own little hands what can you do 100
Flat bread Pizza with Roasted Bell Peppers and (a little) Peperoni 340 :)  - yeah it's bad but I earned it. :D
Lean Cuisine 330
                          Total:  1310  - yeah (and I was naughty)
Exercise today:
1) Sadie Nardini's Yoga for a Sexy You

I used her Youtube video's for Sun Salutations and Abs


I have just recently found Sadie's Yoga Teachings.  I guess I hadn't looked before because they are all over!  I really like her energy and sassy attitude.  She has a terrific heart and has put so much of her work out on the net for Free.  I'm hoping to get her DVDs or book for my birthday (wink wink nudge nudge knowhatimean).

2) Don't think this really counts because it is kind of a basics class with not a lot of movement but since it was just AMAZING I am counting it.  Found it on YogaVibes - Johnny Gillespie's Brand New Beginner's Course.  I was trying to show my son's girlfriend some Yoga and so we've decided to do all six lessons in this course together.  I don't consider myself a beginner, but I know I've missed some of the basics in my very roundabout journey.  Can't stress enough how amazing and incredibly informative this class was.

3) Mowed the lawn - I think I am going to write a whole blog about this because it was totally Zen.

Side Note - this was not a normal exercise day for me.  I'm not completely crazy.

On to life in general.  I am still getting over being sad about my birthday party.  I'm throwing myself into working out right now but not having a party to celebrate saying goodbye to the thirties kind of put a damper on my resolve.  I mean this whole time I've been saying I want to look great for my birthday party :(.  Yeah, I know - pity party for me.

Then there is son number 2.  He is such a bright child (understatement) and I am afraid that he is not going anywhere fast and it is hard to watch. I would really love to see him trying - really TRYING.  ANYTHING!!!!  Out of all my children, somehow I've managed to let this one down the most - and he thinks I'm nice (unless I am asking him to do chores).  The fact is he is charming and I'm a sucker.  How can I get more mean?

Son number 1 still doesn't have a plane ticket home for my brother's wedding in two weeks that I am aware of and DH hasn't checked on it.  I don't think that I can check on it because I have already (repeatedly) and I don't really WANT to be a nag on top of everything else.

Son number 3 WAS driving me nuts yesterday and then we had a really wonderful moment last night which made me feel a little like maybe I am not failing completely and did make the right decision to come back home.

My little baby brother's wedding is coming up which is exceedingly exciting!  They have been together forever and I just love my not-sister-in-law.  However, no wedding is without stress, right?

Oh yeah, if you've never met me then you should know I'm a mom to six kids (3 boys and 3 girls) and I have just quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom.  My oldest son left a year ago for the Marines and he is stationed in Arizona until he leaves for Afghanistan next September. My fortieth birthday is coming up VERY soon and so, of course, is my brother's wedding. So, no pressure. :)